Coping well or can I use some help?

With me the awareness of my ADD came as a relief. It opened up fresh pastures for me. I could browse through the wisdom and articulation of others who had successfully grappled with their own beasts. I could take a page from Sari Solden, Dr. Edward Hallowell, Dr. Ari Tuckman and others. In spite of my apparent success, I was always very aware that I had to work twice as hard to appear half as good. Not for me the easy fluency and charming confidence that comes so naturally to some public speakers. In my high school and university years I took part in public speaking and yes, even won in competitive debates but only I knew how prepared I needed to be to accomplish what others thought came naturally to me.

Yes, I’ve always been introspective. It’s easy for me to look inwards to judge and rate my performance and efforts. Other ADDers I know, some still in denial, feel secretly as if they are impersonators or even frauds. There is an underlying feeling, even when they have great accomplishments to their credit, that they might inadvertently miss a step, and be found out to be an impersonator. With all their success, there is an underlying feeling of uncertainty. There might even be negative self talk. David S Burns has outlined exercises in his book to help one change the negative self talk to positive feedback.

Denial is natural. One cannot believe that a naturally operating person is in danger of being labeled now. However, it does one no good to be stuck in denial. ADDers invariably develop coping behaviors. In high functioning ADDers these coping behaviors help one achieve incredible success at times. Dr. Hallowell, Sari Solden, Michael Phelps are all ADDers recovering or otherwise but definitely coping. Successful ADDers not only live with their ADD but live successful lives. Dr. Hallowell and Sari Solden have chosen to help others with all the wisdom and insights their life with ADD has brought them. Michael Phelps is a glowing role model for younger ADDers just beginning their lives.

Coping mechanisms have a role to play in the ADD life. However sometimes these mechanisms get so inflated and are used to mask the real, naked self, perceived as weak and deficient. Sometimes these inflated masks balloon out bloated and gross with a transparency that others can see through. The ADDers, mostly in denial, are probably the only ones who believe they are covering up successfully. These coping behaviors are no longer helping but are in fact, in the way. These coping behaviors need to be unlearned. One must on the other hand, accept, educate oneself and in so doing empower oneself in order to flourish with the ADD well in hand.

Not now......

There's a beast in me that I grapple with everyday. Its a many-headed monster. So maybe I can tackle it one head at a time.

Procrastination! there I've said it and maybe this will make my battle easier.Oh, yes! you've come across the garden variety procrastination. Not paying bills to the very last minute; not replying to emails, snail mail; clearing out the garage. Everyone is guilty of one or more of these. But for some like me its a gargantuan task.

"Put away each thing once you're done with it," suggests my mother tactfully. Yes! makes a lot of sense. Logical, even. I can do logic. But the monster within me has a very low threshold of tolerance for the merely mundane, routine, ho-hum, repetitive, everyday acts of life. Things have to excite me, challenge me. I'm something of a risk taker.

My mother will cheerfully wake up every morning: have her shower, go for a walk, have her breakfast, cook an elaborate meal for the day, clean up thoroughly after herself and then, and only then will she reward herself every week day with her "soaps" from 12:30 to 3 PM. That done, she's ready for whatever may come along. That was the example she set me as I grew up. Obviously, it didn't take. I have two sisters who follow that model. Where did I go wrong?

For me it's a battle and I recognize that. I can do it. I have done it (many times) like a smoker quitting his habit! But ces la vie........at least for me!