Coping well or can I use some help?

With me the awareness of my ADD came as a relief. It opened up fresh pastures for me. I could browse through the wisdom and articulation of others who had successfully grappled with their own beasts. I could take a page from Sari Solden, Dr. Edward Hallowell, Dr. Ari Tuckman and others. In spite of my apparent success, I was always very aware that I had to work twice as hard to appear half as good. Not for me the easy fluency and charming confidence that comes so naturally to some public speakers. In my high school and university years I took part in public speaking and yes, even won in competitive debates but only I knew how prepared I needed to be to accomplish what others thought came naturally to me.

Yes, I’ve always been introspective. It’s easy for me to look inwards to judge and rate my performance and efforts. Other ADDers I know, some still in denial, feel secretly as if they are impersonators or even frauds. There is an underlying feeling, even when they have great accomplishments to their credit, that they might inadvertently miss a step, and be found out to be an impersonator. With all their success, there is an underlying feeling of uncertainty. There might even be negative self talk. David S Burns has outlined exercises in his book to help one change the negative self talk to positive feedback.

Denial is natural. One cannot believe that a naturally operating person is in danger of being labeled now. However, it does one no good to be stuck in denial. ADDers invariably develop coping behaviors. In high functioning ADDers these coping behaviors help one achieve incredible success at times. Dr. Hallowell, Sari Solden, Michael Phelps are all ADDers recovering or otherwise but definitely coping. Successful ADDers not only live with their ADD but live successful lives. Dr. Hallowell and Sari Solden have chosen to help others with all the wisdom and insights their life with ADD has brought them. Michael Phelps is a glowing role model for younger ADDers just beginning their lives.

Coping mechanisms have a role to play in the ADD life. However sometimes these mechanisms get so inflated and are used to mask the real, naked self, perceived as weak and deficient. Sometimes these inflated masks balloon out bloated and gross with a transparency that others can see through. The ADDers, mostly in denial, are probably the only ones who believe they are covering up successfully. These coping behaviors are no longer helping but are in fact, in the way. These coping behaviors need to be unlearned. One must on the other hand, accept, educate oneself and in so doing empower oneself in order to flourish with the ADD well in hand.

Focus, focus......

As for the many-headed beast in me, one of its heads can hyperfocus. It is suggested that we consider this our strength and reap its rewards. It definitely makes multi-tasking a cinch for us. And where would one be without this ability in today's world of PDA's, iPhones, IMs etc.

Here one needs to draw a balance. The 2006 batch of freshmen at John's Hopkins University were found to be very proficient at multi-tasking but a large number of them were dreadfully unequipped to prioritize and manage their time efficiently.

When we multi-task our attention and comprehension is obviously divided and unequal to undivided attention. I invariably play games on my laptop while watching TV. Needless to say my attention toggles between the laptop and the TV. If the latest CSI or Mystery episode proves to be more gripping than usual, my game score starts plummetting. Well, elementary, my dear Watson, you say. Yes! and this has been proved in clinical studies as well.

However, it does have its own benefits. I can spend time obstensibly with others watching TV but I can also be IMing others half a continent away. Besides it helps me tolerate the boring shows that others opt for. It helps me compromise and win some brownie points AND (just between you and me) hang on, tooth and nail,to some vestige of my sanity.